I’ll find my eyes scanning the lines— pages and pages will go by and slowly it’ll occur to me that I haven’t registered a single word of any of it. I’ll furrow my brows and stare fiercely at a paragraph but it’s like I’m drugged up or something and my mind just floats… off.. I
I was asked recently, ‘Do you value your own life?’ It’s a strange question, one I don’t think people often ask themselves. Even those of us with depression and anxiety I reckon still feel the knee jerk reaction to respond automatically with, ‘What?! Of course! What a thing to ask!’ And I felt that too-
How can we make someone take our mental health seriously? Is there ever a way? Shit. I don’t know. I don’t know and I’m done trying.
One of the most stressful and overwhelming aspects of recovery from a suicide attempt is reconnecting to and rebuilding trust in the relationships we value. Here I discuss the stressful nature of this process and offer my insight based on what I have learned from my own experience.
After a suicide attempt, they all tell us to re-connect with our support people. What if we don’t have support people? What if we ARE alone?
Everyone carries on about living with depression and ‘managing’ suicidal impulses but hardly anybody ever talks about suicide! And when they do they do years after the fact! What about right after!? Why doesn’t anybody ever talk about what it’s like to be in the immediate aftermath of a suicide attempt? Well I’m going to talk about suicide. And I’m going to talk about depersonalization, the devil, and the mystery of what’s happened to all my underwear!
“My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness,” is an poignant autobiographical manga, wherein the author Nagata Kabi portrays her deeply, brutally honest 10 year battle with major depression, anxiety, and binge eating, as well as her brave, determined efforts to bring herself to life in spite of it.
I want to talk about suicide.
I want to talk about suicide in a frank and unfiltered way, from from fear or concern.